再见2020，努力吧2021

还有三个小时就要跨2021年了。

现在几乎每家都在放鞭炮。

很热闹也很烦恼。让我在回想我的2020，是如何过来的？

是个匆匆忙忙，勉强，努力有懒散，也有酸甜苦辣熬过来的。

人生嘛，就是这样吧！

对我来说，努力奔破了一年，又要再重新开始是一个挑战。

感觉为什么，每一秒，每一分，每一天到每一月现在是每一年了我都要怎么无精彩，不特别的过日子？有什么值得开心到要放鞭炮呢？

可能他们都过得很快乐精彩的2020年。之我而已并没有那么快乐而已。

不只是2020年，几乎是我从小到大就是那么无聊的过生活。没特别。

小时候是上课读书就回家了。

现在是上班工作回家。

小时候爸妈年轻哥哥弟弟还小。

现在爸妈老了哥弟也生病随时他们都会离开我的。

到时候一年比一年我会剩一个人而已。

不管他们了，我的人生是那么难挨过来就让我做好自己就对了。让他们放吧。要放多少鞭炮烟花去吧。

真的不想跨年，如果可以我想让时间停下来。那我又不用从新那么辛苦从来了。永远爸妈年轻不离我而去。我就不会孤单了。

嗨！没事。再见2020。努力吧2021。请2021对我好一点。一切顺顺利利，平平安安，健健康康。加油！

When We Were Young "人不彪悍枉少年"

Lately I just finished a Chinese Drama. Is not a new drama, a year 2018 drama talked about high school students live during the year 1996 to 1997. More info or synopsis of the story I'm not going to write it here because there is way too many around if you Google it around.

Title of the drama is "When We Were Young"  

Chinese title is "人不彪悍枉少年" 

Pinyin'ed as "Rén bù biāo hàn wǎng shàonián"

The main poster

花彪 Huā Biāo
by 侯明昊 Hóu Míng Hào

What I want to write here is, this story let me reminiscences my own 18 years old me.

What have I done during that time?

Do I have such friends to play around and be naughty together?

Do I have anybody who always looks for me first, care for me in my schooling time?

杨夕Yáng Xī
by 万鹏 Wàn Péng

All the answer just simply a "NO", "NONE". 

My time of school just go to school and back to school. I don't attend any extra classes even during my high school exam year. I only have extra curricular activities like as a librarian on Tuesday afternoon, girl guide and badminton or English Club for Saturday. Other than that is go and come back from school.

李渔 Lǐ Yú
by 张耀 Zhāng Yào

I don't have friends who kept calling me to chit chat in telephone like how Yang Xi and Yang Xiao He Mei did. Ya, during my schooling time also handphone doesn't exist yet. And my time during the first computer coming out, my Dad manage to get us one, and I remember ICQ and some games was what I played.

黄澄澄 Huáng Chéng Chéng
by 代露娃 Dài Lù Wá

I attended all girls schools...so there is nobody like Hua Biao and Li Yu will seek me first in everything that happened on them either taking care of me. I can say I grow up on my own in school life. Only at home was fully protected by my parents. I don't gp to friend house to play. There is no best friend of mine like these 5 peoples (Hua Biao, Yang Xi, Li Yu, Yang Xiao He Mei, Si Tu Er Tiao) in this drama. 

司徒二条 Sī TúèrTiáo
by 李明德 Lǐ Míng Dé

How I wish my school life was as happening like this kids.

Past is past...I can't go back and change everything. So just enjoyed this drama and dream it while watching it.

杨肖和美 Yáng Xiào Hé Měi
by 潘美烨 Pān Měi Yè

Is a well recommended drama for relaxing and nostalgic to your younger self. 

The pictures is those main cast in the story. Huang Cheng Cheng is the girl who love Li Yu and willing to do all sort of things to support Li Yu. 

All Pictures Credit: Baidu.com

Ending of Year 2020

Final month of Year 2020 - December

Beside "Negaraku" and "Lagu Pulau Pinang", "Wawasan 2020" is one of my school national anthem-alike songs. Now I'm in the final month of it. 

During my childhood, for me 2020 is super duper far away from me. Something like, it will never happen so soon. Back then I wondered, What will 2020 look like? Will I be able to go to outer space as an astronaut? Or working in a lab as a scientist? What will my husband look like? Will I be married already with children? 

And like magic "Proofff!!!" I'm here now in the last month and the whole world still fighting for a virus named Coronavirus (Covid-19) and being at home is the best place to be. The funniest thing was all my wondering never happened and getting old day by day. Haha. 

Honestly speaking, nothing much accomplished this year. But what I learnt within this pandemic season throughout the year is:

🌸Family is most important.

🌸Single is immortal in my work place. 

🌸Being alone is fun.

🌸Home is the safest place on Earth.

🌸Being in a crowd is scary.

🌸Television with tvbox is my best friend.

🌸Shopee is my new place to hang out.

🌸Youtube is where I do my Sunday Service.

🌸Mask is my new fashion.

🌸Life is fragile. So cherish it always. Do whatever makes you happy as long as you don't hurt others. You don't have to please anybody. 

🌸Sometimes selfishness is not a sin, it is a way to protect me and my family. 

🌸And I forgot to write, Xiao Zhan is my boyfriend. hihi. (How I wish?) but at least seeing him smile makes me smile. He is such a sweet boy. 

So, another 20 years will be 2040, what will I be? Will my family still be with me? Or I will be really forever alone by then? Will I still be in the same place working and living? 

Let God plan for me for HE knows the best for me. May my Prince manage to find me soon. 

Back, after long forgotten this bloggie

Is been so so soooo long I never bother to come into this bloggie..because I forgot about it. 

The last writing was August 2018. 

Yup that was around that time I make a drastic planned to leave everything behind me.

Age, Beauty, bad Friends which make me sad that happy, all been leave behind including this bloggie. 

Then I got involve in fangirling in Twitter, get into Weibo, into my TVbox...enjoy everything all want while in the midst of busy working life.

Then some one wake me up through his WordPress...that I remembered I got a place called bloggie too to write all my inner thoughts and rambling.

So here I am searching my password a log in to check what I wrote before. 

Guess I still never change still the single me with my silly thoughts and silly cooking. 

And Proofff !!! Is already at the end of Year 2020 (December).

Yes, 2 years gone by. Nothing much really change. I think I need to find something to write in here.

Till then please bare with me.  

Fly

When you're tired from flying, land for awhile and shall continue again to fly even further ahead.

Sometimes, I'll be thinking, will birds ever get tired from flying, will fishes ever tired from swimming.

Maybe need like SpongeBob Squarepants, put on water globe and go to the earth to play.

Am I the only one thinking like this?

30 days to 2018

30 days to 2018....😩😰😱

Every second, every minute...time don't wait.

What will be, will be.

For better or worst?

Nobody knows.

Everything not ours to control.

Just do your best each day.

We can't please everyone, just go with the flow.

Even you can't reach your goal, never give up.

Try again and again.

For God knows the best for you.

弟兄姐妹朋友同事不喜欢你，忍耐吧。

上帝会赐福与你的。

加油!!! 加油!!!

Sudden cancellation

When you think your schedule is fully occupied. So, you rush everything to make sure you can make it on time for a certain planned event. Unfortunately, a sudden message came when you only left like 500m to the venue with the saying, "Is cancelled" Then your schedule also suddenly turn to a blank one for that particular time.

"What am I gonna do now? What the hack am I rushing for just now?" Anger and frustration all over the place. No wonder people said, Why wanna help them when they only find you when they need you and ignore you when they don't? Don't need to be kind to others.

Arghhh...if I knew earlier, better join Dr. Stephen Tong's Talk...than wasting my time now all at home.

Lesson learnt: Don't ever answer "Yes or OK" out of empathy or kindness because nobody will care how you feel after it cancelled. Be kind also is a sin because people will only take advantages out of you.

真心

这世界上，为何没有人是真心的呢？

为什么都不可以单纯的做个好朋友呢？

为何都要耍心机？

为利益。为财。为權的呢。

难道世界上，都变得那么冷漠吗？

M.I.A

M.I.A here is for abbreviation of "Missing In Action".

I had been good and kind for too long. Seldom said, "No" to other favor and keep helping them whenever I can. And now people surrounding me started to take for granted of my kindness as of 理所当然的。

Always being transparent among them. Be with them, they ignore your existence. They only talk to you when they need your help in a certain things which only benefited them. Once you gave your favor they ignore you back.

They even set up bad plans to prevent me from talking or sitting whomsoever. They are plotting something evil behind my back. Because they want that person to only belong to them.

Sometimes you need be gone or out from the group for a while for good.

If they miss you, they will find you back.

If is not, then it means you don't belong to the group anymore.

So is time to make decision from their action.

She is Strong

Haven't been writing for a long long time.

Suddenly, I need a place to vent out my sadness. And known none a suitable place than here. So I come back here. Only knew is almost a year it being left untouch...after another 3 months is totally a year. Sorry, my bloggie.

Yesterday was Mother's Day. During the sermon at Sunday Service, talked about Mother's love. I sobbed so much.

Today, morning I prepared my own lunch with just only Maggi Mee. Breakfast usually 2 hard-boiled eggs but none, just 2 slices of white bread with a cheese.

Luckily, God knew I was not that full and bought a sad lunch. He send a colleague who came to offer Nasi lemak. So, I had mine at office. Considered a hearty meal for the day.

My Mummy fall sick since last November 2016 until now. Her condition only seems worsen. Nobody in my fellowship knew this, the news only remains within my family.

She usually is a strong woman, rarely fall sick. Even if she had a hard time in life she endured it well. She wake up early in the morning to prepare breakfast and our lunch to bring either to school during our childhood time or now for us to bring to work.

Coming back from school or work, she is busy in the kitchen preparing our dinner. She do house chores, laundry, hear our lament etc etc and sleep late.

But my strong woman fall sick and now kept laying on bed.

I missed her healthy look. I missed her food.

I don't want her to be gone as she is not only my Mummy but also my one and only best friend in this world. She will listen all my story and advise me to be a more better person. Although she now laying on bed, she keep teaching me how to cook for the family in replacement of her.

Mummy I love you, I want you to be healthy back. And have a long life to be around me.

Hopefully she will have a speedy recovery and in a pink of health.
Happy Mother Day, Mummy.

女人心

女人，妳好可怕呀。
妳為了愛，妳会作出别人不可预料的事。
妳不顾一切都要得到呢。
妳得不到也不允许别人得到。
妳为什么那么恐怖？
妳为什么那么自私？
妳为什么那么想不开啊？

爱，不一定要得到才是幸福。不属于你的，就别气馁，祝福他吧。这样妳和他也会比较快乐。

女人心难预料。像海底针那么深。

灵感来自于, Ntv7 《爱丽丝历险记》

耐心等待

没错，长大了必须要嫁，可是缘分还没到，不等于没有呀。
担心害怕也没用。
倒不如时时刻刻往好方面去想。
因为往往好的会在你我所意料不到的在等候哦。

上帝会把在正确的时间 对的人赐给我们的。
因为祂不要我们给错的人被伤害。
要耐心等待吧。

也许我们真的是命中注定要单身孤独终老，也要做个开开心心的单身女汉呀。

放松。不要去想。
想太多了，也不会改变什么。
做好自己。
要多爱自己。
没有人爱妳，你还有上帝的爱。至少你还有主。


虽然我的华语 写的没那么好。
可是我已经尽力了。
本来要劝劝我的朋友，但她却的我真在鸡婆。

所以我颇在这，好过我浪费我的经血来准备这些。
如果有错字，请自教哦。谢谢。

11st May 2016

Is been so long I haven't update you, my dearest Bloggie.

Year 2016, now already into May the fifth month of this year.

How have I been? What? Why? All those question seem to keep coming out.

I have being good. Getting busier than last year as more work load keep coming as my office is lack of staff recently.

But no matter how busy is my work life, I still keep going to my fellowship and get involve with church activities. Most importantly I still managed to complete my 2 left out Korean drama from year 2014.

Talk about Korean Drama, only I realize I never really spend my time to watch completely any K-drama in year 2015. And don't know for what the reason I suddenly get active back to K-drama. Maybe because it was out of my curiosity in the ending of 'My Love from Another Star' as well as 'Modern Farmer' too. I left those two drama half way like this!! Why I left them?? Not exactly I left them although one of my main reason will always be my slow tortoise internet line kept from my watching drama online. Another reason is because I refuse to know the ending if it is going to be sad. Especially that "My love from Another Star", when I knew that Do Min Joo is either going to die staying with his love on earth or left earth and live forever alone without his love, Cheon Song Yi.

But after knowing it from a friend, it was a happy ending. So, I continue it. I never regret I left it but was so proud I finished my left drama.

Okay, so next what happened to me??

Me, fall sick as usual. I don't know why I am the kind easily to fall sick, flu and cough. I even start taking up Vitamin C supplement since after Chinese New Year but I am still catching flu and cough. Just 5th month of 2016 but this year I already fall sick twice. Such a weakling me...haiz.

Ok la...will continue writing next time.

Adioz.

2nd last day of 2015

Today is already the 30th of December 2015. One more day to left to 2016.
How is everyone feeling now?
Excited? Trill? Happy? Or you felt reluctant as me to step into the New Year 2016?

I wasn't feeling so excited or enthusiastic to such thing.
New Year to me meaning just another day we have to go, to search, to treasure.
Is just a day which everyone who is living have to go through.
We can't stop the time...so just walk with it.

But there is some people I knew, feeling very excited with this and start arranging Countdown night event for this occasion. They like to have gathering among their friends, to spend the time with friends, be with their friends.

As me is always feeling like left out or and outlier in the group.
People talk, I only listen.
People laugh, I laugh along.
People play, I felt left out.
Occasion with lots of people, every time put me in a weird situation.
An awful awkward moment time for me to be with people. Although I knew them, they were not stranger for your info.
But somehow this awkward feeling is there.
Is like I am lost whenever they speak stuff that I am not with them.
The feeling like I am alien in the group is there, and the worst part is nobody even care to bother my feeling.

They have a special discussion group and I'm not in that group. So whatever they said is like I am so left out. Event of the event planner seem like doesn't wanted me to be in there, but was unfortunately being told by someone who is in the group by a slip of words and I am in the event like last minute attendee. Kinda sound sad, isn't it?

If wasn't for this particular person who seem like purposely slip out the word, I think I'm totally out of their sight for this event.

So before the event I can felt the feeling which I'm going to face tomorrow countdown.

Should I be there or not? Because the venue haven't being decided and I am still untold till today.

Good Man

Some young kid said to me in a short conversation,

"Wow, your age is no kidding. You need a man now. 

What kind of man you're looking for?

Tall or short? Age must be older than you; or you can accept those youngsters too?"

I goes speechless. A kid said all this to me like an old busybody aunty.

What an awkward moment from a kid?

I don't know how to answer this kid. Then I goes like anyone as long as a good man will do.

A good man.

I never ever think about what kind of man I need until this question bombarded me.

But there is some listing of the type of man I need after a short thinking with prayer to God.

-He must be a Christian, who will put God first and love God and next is me. A God children will never go wrong.
-He must be mature in mentally. So age doesn't matter to me, but provided he don't mind my age too.
-Someone who can accept everything of me. (My ugliness, I'm not from a rich family, my fats, my bad, my weakness and my strength, my job etc..)
-Appearance doesn't matter the most important is his character.

Haha...doesn't it sound so wide and not very specific. But why is so hard for me to meet such a guy.

Good Man...where are you? :)

Succeed

望子成龙, 望女成凤.
Wàngzǐchénglóng, wàng nǚ chéng fèng

Every parents hope their children will be a succeed person.

Their male child will be like dragon, their female child will be like phoenix.

But, how many children really succeed in their life? Especially in this modern society, this 21st century world is very high demanding, high class.

Everything in daily life is so expensive. Everything is so high tech. Everything need to be pretty and beauty which need to groom up and need money too.

Successful life shouldn't be measured by money, by class or level in the society.

Is the internal values of the human character that count. But our recent society is indeed very demanding.

No beauty,
No handsome, you are out.
No money, out too.
No sense of humour.
Not a chatter box...
No car, No house,
No awesome guaranteed job and pay...
No this and Not that...
All the No and Not will keep appearing in my mind to vent it here.


To sum things up, succeed is very wide, and is depand on your own definition of succeed, you don't have to measure it with material.

Even you have a RM10 is more to others who have RM1. So stop compared with those who have million and billion of money.

Other may have big car, a house but you should be grateful you have a shelter to shield you against wind, rain and sunshine.

Other all have marriage life with beautiful wife, handsome husband, with cute little babies, and you should be happy you have family too, you parents, siblings, if you don't you still have friends, if you don't have 1 friend is okay, you still have God to love you by sending Jesus to be with you, guide you.

Other have beautiful clothes but do you know there is more outside there who don't have anything to wear.

Be thankful you have 3 meals a day although is not seafood, or great buffet dinner everyday, as there is more who don't even have a meals for 3 days.

Other still searching for job while we keep complaining how tough and stressful our job is and was.

Other is sick need to be hospitalize, comatose they wants to walk also difficult but we ignore our health and once a while we have a marathon to show off with selfie or do some heavy work we complaining tired, legs was in agony this and that.

Ohh...he or she is more handsome /prettier than me, but do you know there is some who were born handicap, more pitiful than us.

So and so kids, get 100% in exam, why my kid so stupid only have 98%. But do you know there is more kids other there who don't even have changes to attend school, who don't know ABC 123.

So stop comparing yourself with other because there is no ending to everything. Succeed is when you think you are.

Some...thinking

Is been a long time I didn't update myself here.

Almost forgot that I have you, my little bloggie. My personal space to vent out my thought for me to track back what shape me into the Me of now.

And now is October 2015, about another 2 months plus we will walk into the year 2016.

Have you been waiting, anticipating and longing for the new year to come?

Me not so much. As one more year means the you will grow older by a year...more responsibilities as you grow older, more task awaiting for you ahead.

I am trying my best everyday to live the best as I can, although some obstacle will still coming to bring me down.

Just go on and be strong, girl. You can do it. Gambate! Aja aja, fighting! :)

Desperate?

Suddenly this word appear in my head after seeing a friend of mine posted "Lelong girl to get married...no matter what type of guy even a veggie seller or fisherman is welcome".

Before this, a cousin of mine which finished her figure of number 2 in front of the age on recent year is making a big fuss by her mother. Her mother were so worried and have to ask around for bachelor guy, for her daughter during Chinese New Year this year. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is actually making me afraid too, as after a few years my figure of number 2 also will be gone. Why? Because if compare me with the two above story, I am the most unattractive. As you all can see those attractive people also can't find their life partner yet and how am I going to have a life partner too. If there is a bachelor guy, I think he will seek those two above first before choosing me. 

This year I have met a guy through facebook but he show no interest in me, no doubt as he is just like a stranger to both of us. To tell the truth I can't accept his appearance too but I have learn to accept him in everything if he is willing to put a try in this friendship into another higher stage. But he show no action and I realize he have a bundle of beautiful single ladies commenting on his wall, updated status and pictures. So am  I putting him to choose me within a bundle of girls. If it is like this, doesn't I'm like "lelong'ing" myself too. Am I so priceless and cheap? Am I showing that I am DESPERATE too?

But whenever I am giving up and stop intruding his life in facebook. He will come back to drop a few words. I am heartaching when I knew he is going to confess his feeling to his beloved with in this week. I'm so sad and even cried a few time, I even prayed to God about it. Not because I love him or what, is that I know I am losing another friend in male gender.

There is a pick-up line I heard for the drama The Emperor's Harem...
"We women is like a dish on the table waiting to be chosen and eaten by the only customer which is the one and only customer that is the Emperor."

Why we the women have to be like this pick-up line so sad, so useless, so desperate and nothing can change it. Is like there is just the only guy left in this world. I want to change the law of this pick-up line. I refuse to be put on the table to be chosen by the only guy. So you don't click with me, I will carry on and start to my next journey to my next station till there is someone who can click with me.

Sometimes

Sometimes life is so hectic till i can't breathe,
Sometimes life is too boring till i don't know what to do.

Sometimes I want to pursue my dreams but dare not,
I am a coward after all.

Want to quit my job but there is a lot to be consider,
Is not I don't like my job, but I loved it,
Is just there is not challenging for me to move forward from the job I'm doing now,
Making me only feels like wasting my precious youth time.

I want to go further, to a job which I can show my very best,
A job which is relevant to my educational level,
I don't want to suppress myself,
Suppress my hidden potential to a better job,
But to no avail none want me.

Just be the me where i am now.
Sit still typing all this ridiculous thoughts of mine.

We are the same

I am very happy today because I can join a fellowship, and I am surprise to know that people there is as normal like me too.

There is also people having difficulties and stress in their working place.
They also struggle to make ends meet.
There also people who don't really understand a Bible verse after reading it.
There is also people who feel amazed by my simple and lousy English. This one really build up my self confident. Because I don't know how to read Mandarin.
There is also people who think that the world is having less Godly people, which make people hard to find soulmate.
There is also people who keeps wearing the same attire to the fellowship.
There is also people who is afraid of driving.
There is people who study different field and work in another field.
There is people around my age but still worried about confirmation of their work. Making me feel I am still very lucky although I am always working on stress like fire burning me every working days and weirdo all surrounded me.
The world is still having some friendly people.

Thanks God for letting me join a fellowship after sometime away from fellowship ever since I am away from my uni life.

I am so envious with them before I knew them. They are so pretty, fashionable, and always seem to be very happy and looking rich. But once I really know them they aren't like what I think. They're actually just the same like me. We are the same.