Desperate?

Suddenly this word appear in my head after seeing a friend of mine posted "Lelong girl to get married...no matter what type of guy even a veggie seller or fisherman is welcome".

Before this, a cousin of mine which finished her figure of number 2 in front of the age on recent year is making a big fuss by her mother. Her mother were so worried and have to ask around for bachelor guy, for her daughter during Chinese New Year this year. 

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Is actually making me afraid too, as after a few years my figure of number 2 also will be gone. Why? Because if compare me with the two above story, I am the most unattractive. As you all can see those attractive people also can't find their life partner yet and how am I going to have a life partner too. If there is a bachelor guy, I think he will seek those two above first before choosing me. 

This year I have met a guy through facebook but he show no interest in me, no doubt as he is just like a stranger to both of us. To tell the truth I can't accept his appearance too but I have learn to accept him in everything if he is willing to put a try in this friendship into another higher stage. But he show no action and I realize he have a bundle of beautiful single ladies commenting on his wall, updated status and pictures. So am  I putting him to choose me within a bundle of girls. If it is like this, doesn't I'm like "lelong'ing" myself too. Am I so priceless and cheap? Am I showing that I am DESPERATE too?

But whenever I am giving up and stop intruding his life in facebook. He will come back to drop a few words. I am heartaching when I knew he is going to confess his feeling to his beloved with in this week. I'm so sad and even cried a few time, I even prayed to God about it. Not because I love him or what, is that I know I am losing another friend in male gender.

There is a pick-up line I heard for the drama The Emperor's Harem...
"We women is like a dish on the table waiting to be chosen and eaten by the only customer which is the one and only customer that is the Emperor."

Why we the women have to be like this pick-up line so sad, so useless, so desperate and nothing can change it. Is like there is just the only guy left in this world. I want to change the law of this pick-up line. I refuse to be put on the table to be chosen by the only guy. So you don't click with me, I will carry on and start to my next journey to my next station till there is someone who can click with me.

Sometimes

Sometimes life is so hectic till i can't breathe,
Sometimes life is too boring till i don't know what to do.

Sometimes I want to pursue my dreams but dare not,
I am a coward after all.

Want to quit my job but there is a lot to be consider,
Is not I don't like my job, but I loved it,
Is just there is not challenging for me to move forward from the job I'm doing now,
Making me only feels like wasting my precious youth time.

I want to go further, to a job which I can show my very best,
A job which is relevant to my educational level,
I don't want to suppress myself,
Suppress my hidden potential to a better job,
But to no avail none want me.

Just be the me where i am now.
Sit still typing all this ridiculous thoughts of mine.

We are the same

I am very happy today because I can join a fellowship, and I am surprise to know that people there is as normal like me too.

There is also people having difficulties and stress in their working place.
They also struggle to make ends meet.
There also people who don't really understand a Bible verse after reading it.
There is also people who feel amazed by my simple and lousy English. This one really build up my self confident. Because I don't know how to read Mandarin.
There is also people who think that the world is having less Godly people, which make people hard to find soulmate.
There is also people who keeps wearing the same attire to the fellowship.
There is also people who is afraid of driving.
There is people who study different field and work in another field.
There is people around my age but still worried about confirmation of their work. Making me feel I am still very lucky although I am always working on stress like fire burning me every working days and weirdo all surrounded me.
The world is still having some friendly people.

Thanks God for letting me join a fellowship after sometime away from fellowship ever since I am away from my uni life.

I am so envious with them before I knew them. They are so pretty, fashionable, and always seem to be very happy and looking rich. But once I really know them they aren't like what I think. They're actually just the same like me. We are the same.

Hot

The weather here is extremely hot, and stuffy.

I am curious, how come I everyday undergo in a hot and stuffy room like in a sauna room but I never loss a kilogram. Funny right. People sit in this kind of room sure become very skinny but me still maintain. What is wrong with me?

I want to lost weight not much just 5 kg will be enough, then I can fit into any cloths, can go swimming in swimsuit and at least can boost my self-esteem a little bit. :)

Is hard to buy cloth when you are a little chubby especially on the butt and thigh. I just wanna lost those two parts in my body but it seem so hard. Anyone can give me a good and priceless solution. Erm..I don't wanna go to slimming center as I can't afford it.

How I wish it rain?