2nd last day of 2015

Today is already the 30th of December 2015. One more day to left to 2016.
How is everyone feeling now?
Excited? Trill? Happy? Or you felt reluctant as me to step into the New Year 2016?

I wasn't feeling so excited or enthusiastic to such thing.
New Year to me meaning just another day we have to go, to search, to treasure.
Is just a day which everyone who is living have to go through.
We can't stop the time...so just walk with it.

But there is some people I knew, feeling very excited with this and start arranging Countdown night event for this occasion. They like to have gathering among their friends, to spend the time with friends, be with their friends.

As me is always feeling like left out or and outlier in the group.
People talk, I only listen.
People laugh, I laugh along.
People play, I felt left out.
Occasion with lots of people, every time put me in a weird situation.
An awful awkward moment time for me to be with people. Although I knew them, they were not stranger for your info.
But somehow this awkward feeling is there.
Is like I am lost whenever they speak stuff that I am not with them.
The feeling like I am alien in the group is there, and the worst part is nobody even care to bother my feeling.

They have a special discussion group and I'm not in that group. So whatever they said is like I am so left out. Event of the event planner seem like doesn't wanted me to be in there, but was unfortunately being told by someone who is in the group by a slip of words and I am in the event like last minute attendee. Kinda sound sad, isn't it?

If wasn't for this particular person who seem like purposely slip out the word, I think I'm totally out of their sight for this event.

So before the event I can felt the feeling which I'm going to face tomorrow countdown.

Should I be there or not? Because the venue haven't being decided and I am still untold till today.

Good Man

Some young kid said to me in a short conversation,

"Wow, your age is no kidding. You need a man now. 

What kind of man you're looking for?

Tall or short? Age must be older than you; or you can accept those youngsters too?"

I goes speechless. A kid said all this to me like an old busybody aunty.

What an awkward moment from a kid?

I don't know how to answer this kid. Then I goes like anyone as long as a good man will do.

A good man.

I never ever think about what kind of man I need until this question bombarded me.

But there is some listing of the type of man I need after a short thinking with prayer to God.

-He must be a Christian, who will put God first and love God and next is me. A God children will never go wrong.
-He must be mature in mentally. So age doesn't matter to me, but provided he don't mind my age too.
-Someone who can accept everything of me. (My ugliness, I'm not from a rich family, my fats, my bad, my weakness and my strength, my job etc..)
-Appearance doesn't matter the most important is his character.

Haha...doesn't it sound so wide and not very specific. But why is so hard for me to meet such a guy.

Good Man...where are you? :)

Succeed

望子成龙, 望女成凤.
Wàngzǐchénglóng, wàng nǚ chéng fèng

Every parents hope their children will be a succeed person.

Their male child will be like dragon, their female child will be like phoenix.

But, how many children really succeed in their life? Especially in this modern society, this 21st century world is very high demanding, high class.

Everything in daily life is so expensive. Everything is so high tech. Everything need to be pretty and beauty which need to groom up and need money too.

Successful life shouldn't be measured by money, by class or level in the society.

Is the internal values of the human character that count. But our recent society is indeed very demanding.

No beauty,
No handsome, you are out.
No money, out too.
No sense of humour.
Not a chatter box...
No car, No house,
No awesome guaranteed job and pay...
No this and Not that...
All the No and Not will keep appearing in my mind to vent it here.


To sum things up, succeed is very wide, and is depand on your own definition of succeed, you don't have to measure it with material.

Even you have a RM10 is more to others who have RM1. So stop compared with those who have million and billion of money.

Other may have big car, a house but you should be grateful you have a shelter to shield you against wind, rain and sunshine.

Other all have marriage life with beautiful wife, handsome husband, with cute little babies, and you should be happy you have family too, you parents, siblings, if you don't you still have friends, if you don't have 1 friend is okay, you still have God to love you by sending Jesus to be with you, guide you.

Other have beautiful clothes but do you know there is more outside there who don't have anything to wear.

Be thankful you have 3 meals a day although is not seafood, or great buffet dinner everyday, as there is more who don't even have a meals for 3 days.

Other still searching for job while we keep complaining how tough and stressful our job is and was.

Other is sick need to be hospitalize, comatose they wants to walk also difficult but we ignore our health and once a while we have a marathon to show off with selfie or do some heavy work we complaining tired, legs was in agony this and that.

Ohh...he or she is more handsome /prettier than me, but do you know there is some who were born handicap, more pitiful than us.

So and so kids, get 100% in exam, why my kid so stupid only have 98%. But do you know there is more kids other there who don't even have changes to attend school, who don't know ABC 123.

So stop comparing yourself with other because there is no ending to everything. Succeed is when you think you are.

Some...thinking

Is been a long time I didn't update myself here.

Almost forgot that I have you, my little bloggie. My personal space to vent out my thought for me to track back what shape me into the Me of now.

And now is October 2015, about another 2 months plus we will walk into the year 2016.

Have you been waiting, anticipating and longing for the new year to come?

Me not so much. As one more year means the you will grow older by a year...more responsibilities as you grow older, more task awaiting for you ahead.

I am trying my best everyday to live the best as I can, although some obstacle will still coming to bring me down.

Just go on and be strong, girl. You can do it. Gambate! Aja aja, fighting! :)

Desperate?

Suddenly this word appear in my head after seeing a friend of mine posted "Lelong girl to get married...no matter what type of guy even a veggie seller or fisherman is welcome".

Before this, a cousin of mine which finished her figure of number 2 in front of the age on recent year is making a big fuss by her mother. Her mother were so worried and have to ask around for bachelor guy, for her daughter during Chinese New Year this year. 

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Is actually making me afraid too, as after a few years my figure of number 2 also will be gone. Why? Because if compare me with the two above story, I am the most unattractive. As you all can see those attractive people also can't find their life partner yet and how am I going to have a life partner too. If there is a bachelor guy, I think he will seek those two above first before choosing me. 

This year I have met a guy through facebook but he show no interest in me, no doubt as he is just like a stranger to both of us. To tell the truth I can't accept his appearance too but I have learn to accept him in everything if he is willing to put a try in this friendship into another higher stage. But he show no action and I realize he have a bundle of beautiful single ladies commenting on his wall, updated status and pictures. So am  I putting him to choose me within a bundle of girls. If it is like this, doesn't I'm like "lelong'ing" myself too. Am I so priceless and cheap? Am I showing that I am DESPERATE too?

But whenever I am giving up and stop intruding his life in facebook. He will come back to drop a few words. I am heartaching when I knew he is going to confess his feeling to his beloved with in this week. I'm so sad and even cried a few time, I even prayed to God about it. Not because I love him or what, is that I know I am losing another friend in male gender.

There is a pick-up line I heard for the drama The Emperor's Harem...
"We women is like a dish on the table waiting to be chosen and eaten by the only customer which is the one and only customer that is the Emperor."

Why we the women have to be like this pick-up line so sad, so useless, so desperate and nothing can change it. Is like there is just the only guy left in this world. I want to change the law of this pick-up line. I refuse to be put on the table to be chosen by the only guy. So you don't click with me, I will carry on and start to my next journey to my next station till there is someone who can click with me.

Sometimes

Sometimes life is so hectic till i can't breathe,
Sometimes life is too boring till i don't know what to do.

Sometimes I want to pursue my dreams but dare not,
I am a coward after all.

Want to quit my job but there is a lot to be consider,
Is not I don't like my job, but I loved it,
Is just there is not challenging for me to move forward from the job I'm doing now,
Making me only feels like wasting my precious youth time.

I want to go further, to a job which I can show my very best,
A job which is relevant to my educational level,
I don't want to suppress myself,
Suppress my hidden potential to a better job,
But to no avail none want me.

Just be the me where i am now.
Sit still typing all this ridiculous thoughts of mine.

We are the same

I am very happy today because I can join a fellowship, and I am surprise to know that people there is as normal like me too.

There is also people having difficulties and stress in their working place.
They also struggle to make ends meet.
There also people who don't really understand a Bible verse after reading it.
There is also people who feel amazed by my simple and lousy English. This one really build up my self confident. Because I don't know how to read Mandarin.
There is also people who think that the world is having less Godly people, which make people hard to find soulmate.
There is also people who keeps wearing the same attire to the fellowship.
There is also people who is afraid of driving.
There is people who study different field and work in another field.
There is people around my age but still worried about confirmation of their work. Making me feel I am still very lucky although I am always working on stress like fire burning me every working days and weirdo all surrounded me.
The world is still having some friendly people.

Thanks God for letting me join a fellowship after sometime away from fellowship ever since I am away from my uni life.

I am so envious with them before I knew them. They are so pretty, fashionable, and always seem to be very happy and looking rich. But once I really know them they aren't like what I think. They're actually just the same like me. We are the same.

Hot

The weather here is extremely hot, and stuffy.

I am curious, how come I everyday undergo in a hot and stuffy room like in a sauna room but I never loss a kilogram. Funny right. People sit in this kind of room sure become very skinny but me still maintain. What is wrong with me?

I want to lost weight not much just 5 kg will be enough, then I can fit into any cloths, can go swimming in swimsuit and at least can boost my self-esteem a little bit. :)

Is hard to buy cloth when you are a little chubby especially on the butt and thigh. I just wanna lost those two parts in my body but it seem so hard. Anyone can give me a good and priceless solution. Erm..I don't wanna go to slimming center as I can't afford it.

How I wish it rain? 

Travel mind??

Haven't post anything since April 2015. And here I am to write something.

What shall I write? Ermm...

What have I been?
I have been great, busy as always...with working, and nothing specially happened lately. But sometimes I wish I can go travel to Korea, or maybe Singapore, is just a matter of money, time and commitment all I can say.

Why I choose this two places to travel?
Erm...firstly being addicted to Korea drama make me really want to be a Korean although is just for a day or two. Trying to enjoyed walking down the Korea street with snowing in the Winter, walking in park full with flower fragrance in the Spring while leaves smell in the Autumn and playing by the beach during Summer with catching some fishes for lunch or dinner.
          Going to concert to see any handsome or pretty idol group. Anything just walk around will be fun too, isn't it? Eating those Kimchi with Samgupsal, go to Jeju Island to eat some black pork try their Soju...although I am not an alcoholic tolerance drinker.

Then for Singapore is my neighbour country which I assume the nearest to travel to if my option can't allow me to travel far. I heard the food there is awesome, variety of choices can be found there. Is a heaven of food just like Penang.
         Singapore is also best for shopping paradise. You can shoppe lots of beautiful lastest fashion there, is it true?
         I can go to the Sentosa Island to play water theme park...something like that is it true.

No matter what my mind is wandering to travel now.

Why?

Because everyday working sometimes I feel like going to a differences place. To a place where nobody know me and just walk out of my daily busy life.

But some say is very dangerous to travel alone especially for a girl like me. :)

Nevermind is just my mind go travel because I still can't afford to go out to travel...Let's travel in Malaysia first....hihi.

3 years old

Is Saturday? 

Not really important whether is Saturday or not...but the most important is my little bloggie is turning to three (3) years old by today, the 11th of April 2015. 

Three year before today, that was on 11th April 2012 is the day I start to write and established Simply Writing of Thoughts blog. 

Last 2 years, I forget about it and wasn't prepared to write in or even celebrate this day. 

Sorry, bloggie. Mummy didn't celebrate your first and second year of birthday. In return to it...I am writing here as to celebrate your day. 

Is the day of the beginning of my writing to public. Although not much I shared in this little blog, but it was and were my place to voice out my thought and love as a good memories when I am old. Something like a diary...hihi...not really a diary as I didn't wrote it daily...just randomly written when I have time, have thought and more to my silly silly thought or love for Korean song and a little bit about this and that...no specific thing actually...more to random topic according to my mood.

I know I haven't write much in here, sometimes I was hesitated to write or maybe out of new topic to write or more exactly was my life wasn't interesting enough to be written down in here. I was basically busy with daily life till I admit I do forget my little bloggie existence. So I will try to manage my time well to write in bloggie as often as I can, but as always is not a promise. Just trying my best.

Sorry, bloggie! 
미안 해요!
(mian haeyo)

And

Happy Birthday! 
생일 축하합니다!
(saengil chukhahapnida).

Durian

Durian....

My neighbour is having durian. The smell is so tempting.

The main problem is, Right now already past ten at night. Am lying on my bed with that tempting smell.

Will I be dreaming of durian tonight?

Okay should stop talking about durian and start sleeping. If not, I may feel hungry.

Good night.

Future

Future? What is future means to you?

What our future going to hold?

What will you be in ten years or twenty years from now?

I had watch a Korean variety show from one of my favourite F(x) idol girl group named 'Amazing f(x)'. Theses girls talked about what will they be after twenty years later?

The eldest Unnie (Victoria Song) said, she will own a bakery shop, pet a big dog which will take her to shopping and a house with a big yard.

Her others member asked her, "Don't you marriage?" She said, she won't because she is afraid of labor pain.

Then other member said "You can marry and don't have child. There is sure some guy who dislike child too."

Then all the other member dream were almost the same. That is get marry and have son as their first born and the second is daughter.

Amber and Krystal just want two kids while Sulli wants three but she is also fine with two kids. Meantime, Luna wants eight childs.

Haha...what a dream or plan/ goal.

While me? I also don't know what will I be tomorrow. How am I suppose to plan for my next 20 years time? If the one I plan never happen, will I be more disappointed? If it happened but no the same like I plan maybe divert to a totally different path that what I originally planned, what will I feel? Happy or sad?

I know is good to have goal or plan like something within a month or two, but to me maybe not something which is very far away like 20 years..ermm a year plan is fine I think. Because we never know will we still be alive to fulfill what we had plan. If we are still alive, are we still that healthy and can move freely like now to fulfill all those? Because things can happen and change from time to time. Nothing is forever.

Matthew 6: 34 said "So do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings."

I have a plan or dream when I was a child, but it never happened and till now I am still a little sad about it. So maybe just follow the flow and we can be more happy, isn't it. But this doesn't means I am giving up.

I am still trying my best for it and there is a little goal that every body dreamt of having that is MARRIAGE. But this thing can easily be done like what is easily being said. Why? Because marriage is something done by two person not you alone can be done. To find the suitable soulmate need time and patience, destiny and fate too.

Do you happen to set a goal for your future?

Something like, what will you be in 20 years time from now? And what is it? Maybe you can share in my comment below. And see is planning for something like 20 years a must?

Do for God

"Do everything just to please God. Do not worry about what other said or did to you."

This was a phrase given from a Sister in Christ to me.

Is really my pleasure to meet sure a Sister. She really teach me to feel better in service My Lord.

Although I am afraid and nervous but this phrase did help me to reduce my panic attack.

So, let Do everything JUST to please GOD. We are not doing it for human been normal eyes sight but for the Lord, Our Father in Heaven. Just relax and chill so you won't be afraid. No matter what the outcome will be just remember God is watching you always.

Thanks My Lord. Amen.

2015

Happy New Year for 2015. Hope I am not to late to wish my reader.

Is already the fifth day of 2015, so fast, right.

What is not same this year compared to last year (2014)?

Ermm...I still can remember is 2015 and keep writing 2014 instead during working. Either I have very weak brain or is I am used to 2014...haha.

Then, I think I need to have dental check-ups this year to do my front teeth filling. Although I am going to be so nervous but that is important because front tooth is where our smile can be seen. What to do? I am going to search for a good dentist in my nearby area and is a must this year since I kept dragging for years.

I suddenly felt I have so many responsibility this 2015 compared to my 2014. Why?
I have been in the same church for about 5 years and I am actually kinda sad when nobody seem to know me but suddenly this year all keep approaching me to join this and that. The very interesting things was they seem to be very amazingly knew my name. Does God answer my prayer or I have been set up like "Just For Laugh" Canadian show? But my most enthusiasm things were to meet more new friends this years and help out in the Children's Camp and maybe can join the 2015 Christmas Carolling ever since last 2 years.

Whatever is it? I need to be more happy and start a new life with new year for new hope. And may God keep be with me to guide and lead me to the correct and happy path, for I know I am not walking alone but God is accompany me. Amen.