11st May 2016

Is been so long I haven't update you, my dearest Bloggie.

Year 2016, now already into May the fifth month of this year.

How have I been? What? Why? All those question seem to keep coming out.

I have being good. Getting busier than last year as more work load keep coming as my office is lack of staff recently.

But no matter how busy is my work life, I still keep going to my fellowship and get involve with church activities. Most importantly I still managed to complete my 2 left out Korean drama from year 2014.

Talk about Korean Drama, only I realize I never really spend my time to watch completely any K-drama in year 2015. And don't know for what the reason I suddenly get active back to K-drama. Maybe because it was out of my curiosity in the ending of 'My Love from Another Star' as well as 'Modern Farmer' too. I left those two drama half way like this!! Why I left them?? Not exactly I left them although one of my main reason will always be my slow tortoise internet line kept from my watching drama online. Another reason is because I refuse to know the ending if it is going to be sad. Especially that "My love from Another Star", when I knew that Do Min Joo is either going to die staying with his love on earth or left earth and live forever alone without his love, Cheon Song Yi.

But after knowing it from a friend, it was a happy ending. So, I continue it. I never regret I left it but was so proud I finished my left drama.

Okay, so next what happened to me??

Me, fall sick as usual. I don't know why I am the kind easily to fall sick, flu and cough. I even start taking up Vitamin C supplement since after Chinese New Year but I am still catching flu and cough. Just 5th month of 2016 but this year I already fall sick twice. Such a weakling me...haiz.

Ok la...will continue writing next time.

Adioz.

2nd last day of 2015

Today is already the 30th of December 2015. One more day to left to 2016.
How is everyone feeling now?
Excited? Trill? Happy? Or you felt reluctant as me to step into the New Year 2016?

I wasn't feeling so excited or enthusiastic to such thing.
New Year to me meaning just another day we have to go, to search, to treasure.
Is just a day which everyone who is living have to go through.
We can't stop the time...so just walk with it.

But there is some people I knew, feeling very excited with this and start arranging Countdown night event for this occasion. They like to have gathering among their friends, to spend the time with friends, be with their friends.

As me is always feeling like left out or and outlier in the group.
People talk, I only listen.
People laugh, I laugh along.
People play, I felt left out.
Occasion with lots of people, every time put me in a weird situation.
An awful awkward moment time for me to be with people. Although I knew them, they were not stranger for your info.
But somehow this awkward feeling is there.
Is like I am lost whenever they speak stuff that I am not with them.
The feeling like I am alien in the group is there, and the worst part is nobody even care to bother my feeling.

They have a special discussion group and I'm not in that group. So whatever they said is like I am so left out. Event of the event planner seem like doesn't wanted me to be in there, but was unfortunately being told by someone who is in the group by a slip of words and I am in the event like last minute attendee. Kinda sound sad, isn't it?

If wasn't for this particular person who seem like purposely slip out the word, I think I'm totally out of their sight for this event.

So before the event I can felt the feeling which I'm going to face tomorrow countdown.

Should I be there or not? Because the venue haven't being decided and I am still untold till today.

Good Man

Some young kid said to me in a short conversation,

"Wow, your age is no kidding. You need a man now. 

What kind of man you're looking for?

Tall or short? Age must be older than you; or you can accept those youngsters too?"

I goes speechless. A kid said all this to me like an old busybody aunty.

What an awkward moment from a kid?

I don't know how to answer this kid. Then I goes like anyone as long as a good man will do.

A good man.

I never ever think about what kind of man I need until this question bombarded me.

But there is some listing of the type of man I need after a short thinking with prayer to God.

-He must be a Christian, who will put God first and love God and next is me. A God children will never go wrong.
-He must be mature in mentally. So age doesn't matter to me, but provided he don't mind my age too.
-Someone who can accept everything of me. (My ugliness, I'm not from a rich family, my fats, my bad, my weakness and my strength, my job etc..)
-Appearance doesn't matter the most important is his character.

Haha...doesn't it sound so wide and not very specific. But why is so hard for me to meet such a guy.

Good Man...where are you? :)

Succeed

望子成龙, 望女成凤.
Wàngzǐchénglóng, wàng nǚ chéng fèng

Every parents hope their children will be a succeed person.

Their male child will be like dragon, their female child will be like phoenix.

But, how many children really succeed in their life? Especially in this modern society, this 21st century world is very high demanding, high class.

Everything in daily life is so expensive. Everything is so high tech. Everything need to be pretty and beauty which need to groom up and need money too.

Successful life shouldn't be measured by money, by class or level in the society.

Is the internal values of the human character that count. But our recent society is indeed very demanding.

No beauty,
No handsome, you are out.
No money, out too.
No sense of humour.
Not a chatter box...
No car, No house,
No awesome guaranteed job and pay...
No this and Not that...
All the No and Not will keep appearing in my mind to vent it here.


To sum things up, succeed is very wide, and is depand on your own definition of succeed, you don't have to measure it with material.

Even you have a RM10 is more to others who have RM1. So stop compared with those who have million and billion of money.

Other may have big car, a house but you should be grateful you have a shelter to shield you against wind, rain and sunshine.

Other all have marriage life with beautiful wife, handsome husband, with cute little babies, and you should be happy you have family too, you parents, siblings, if you don't you still have friends, if you don't have 1 friend is okay, you still have God to love you by sending Jesus to be with you, guide you.

Other have beautiful clothes but do you know there is more outside there who don't have anything to wear.

Be thankful you have 3 meals a day although is not seafood, or great buffet dinner everyday, as there is more who don't even have a meals for 3 days.

Other still searching for job while we keep complaining how tough and stressful our job is and was.

Other is sick need to be hospitalize, comatose they wants to walk also difficult but we ignore our health and once a while we have a marathon to show off with selfie or do some heavy work we complaining tired, legs was in agony this and that.

Ohh...he or she is more handsome /prettier than me, but do you know there is some who were born handicap, more pitiful than us.

So and so kids, get 100% in exam, why my kid so stupid only have 98%. But do you know there is more kids other there who don't even have changes to attend school, who don't know ABC 123.

So stop comparing yourself with other because there is no ending to everything. Succeed is when you think you are.

Some...thinking

Is been a long time I didn't update myself here.

Almost forgot that I have you, my little bloggie. My personal space to vent out my thought for me to track back what shape me into the Me of now.

And now is October 2015, about another 2 months plus we will walk into the year 2016.

Have you been waiting, anticipating and longing for the new year to come?

Me not so much. As one more year means the you will grow older by a year...more responsibilities as you grow older, more task awaiting for you ahead.

I am trying my best everyday to live the best as I can, although some obstacle will still coming to bring me down.

Just go on and be strong, girl. You can do it. Gambate! Aja aja, fighting! :)

Desperate?

Suddenly this word appear in my head after seeing a friend of mine posted "Lelong girl to get married...no matter what type of guy even a veggie seller or fisherman is welcome".

Before this, a cousin of mine which finished her figure of number 2 in front of the age on recent year is making a big fuss by her mother. Her mother were so worried and have to ask around for bachelor guy, for her daughter during Chinese New Year this year. 

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Is actually making me afraid too, as after a few years my figure of number 2 also will be gone. Why? Because if compare me with the two above story, I am the most unattractive. As you all can see those attractive people also can't find their life partner yet and how am I going to have a life partner too. If there is a bachelor guy, I think he will seek those two above first before choosing me. 

This year I have met a guy through facebook but he show no interest in me, no doubt as he is just like a stranger to both of us. To tell the truth I can't accept his appearance too but I have learn to accept him in everything if he is willing to put a try in this friendship into another higher stage. But he show no action and I realize he have a bundle of beautiful single ladies commenting on his wall, updated status and pictures. So am  I putting him to choose me within a bundle of girls. If it is like this, doesn't I'm like "lelong'ing" myself too. Am I so priceless and cheap? Am I showing that I am DESPERATE too?

But whenever I am giving up and stop intruding his life in facebook. He will come back to drop a few words. I am heartaching when I knew he is going to confess his feeling to his beloved with in this week. I'm so sad and even cried a few time, I even prayed to God about it. Not because I love him or what, is that I know I am losing another friend in male gender.

There is a pick-up line I heard for the drama The Emperor's Harem...
"We women is like a dish on the table waiting to be chosen and eaten by the only customer which is the one and only customer that is the Emperor."

Why we the women have to be like this pick-up line so sad, so useless, so desperate and nothing can change it. Is like there is just the only guy left in this world. I want to change the law of this pick-up line. I refuse to be put on the table to be chosen by the only guy. So you don't click with me, I will carry on and start to my next journey to my next station till there is someone who can click with me.

Sometimes

Sometimes life is so hectic till i can't breathe,
Sometimes life is too boring till i don't know what to do.

Sometimes I want to pursue my dreams but dare not,
I am a coward after all.

Want to quit my job but there is a lot to be consider,
Is not I don't like my job, but I loved it,
Is just there is not challenging for me to move forward from the job I'm doing now,
Making me only feels like wasting my precious youth time.

I want to go further, to a job which I can show my very best,
A job which is relevant to my educational level,
I don't want to suppress myself,
Suppress my hidden potential to a better job,
But to no avail none want me.

Just be the me where i am now.
Sit still typing all this ridiculous thoughts of mine.